carefree multiethnic couple enjoying romantic sunset in field

You try to prove your love and loyalty to your partner every chance you get. As a child you were taught that love covers all wrong, so you overlooked the red flags. You thought, “If I love him hard enough, he’ll treat me better. If I give him more of me, he’ll see my worth; if only I invest more in him, show him I’m wife material, he’ll be afraid to lose me.”

And then you realize…

Loving Him Isn’t Enough; He Only Takes You For Granted.

When you realize your love isn’t enough to make him trade his thorns for leaves or flowers, part of you wants to let go, but it is a vicious cycle though because when you do let go, part of you miss it too much, so you go back to what is familiar.

That pattern is a common among people in abusive relationships. From the outside looking in, it’s easy to ask, why did they stay? Didn’t they see the signs? Honestly, they are afraid of letting go; they are fearful of the unknown, the unfamiliarity. Even when they finally build the courage to let go, sometimes they go back to what’s familiar. Why? Because familiarity is comforting.

You believed in your significant other when he didn’t believe in himself. And gave him wings to fly, not realizing that his roots were connected to your ground. You saw the best in him; you noticed a flicker in his ashes when he lose hope in himself. And maybe, just maybe, you think you can have enough hope for the both of you.

Suddenly, your ray of sunshine disappeared. Instead, a cloud of darkness covers you. You realize with every glimmer you saw in him; he was sucking on your light. It was never sudden, but little by little, you were trading your light for his darkness.

You Don’t Have To Remain In This Cycle!

If you truly want to live, you can’t be with someone who wants to survive. You may think your love can inspire him to live again, but your love will never be enough. He has to desire to live truly, rather than merely existing.

Also, how can you give what you don’t have? How can you be surviving with him and waiting for him to love you back to start living? How can you be his resource and expect him to be your source? You can’t be pouring into him while hoping he will replenish you. Your partner can’t be a vessel and a wellspring simultaneously.

You have to wake up every day and choose to live on purpose. You have to love yourself first, if not your effort to love him will only drain you.

It is noble to be selfless, but you shouldn’t lose yourself in the process of loving someone else!

Contently Yours,


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