Too Good to Be True by Helen Khan

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand! Psalm 139:6

Maybe you long to be loved, to be noticed by someone who is special and treats you special. You think you are the “Plain Jane” type, no one will notice you; no special guy that is. Then comes along the most wonderful person in the world. He is beyond anything you can imagine. He makes your heart flutter. But surely, he is too good for you, he will want someone more beautiful with a cooler personality. Then boom, he looks at you, talks to you, pays attention to you and even asks you for a date. Life couldn’t get better. It is too good to be true, wonderful beyond description. Your heart and mind can scarce take it in. You have been noticed. You are seen.

Or maybe love never comes, at least not unconditional love. You didn’t get it from your parents, your friends or the person you are married to. Maybe disappointments in life have damaged your self image and you feel unworthy of love. Or maybe love comes at a high cost. It isn’t comfortable. You need to earn it.

But there is One who notices us, every moment, every day. He is called the bridegroom of heaven; the fairest of ten thousand, the bright and morning star, the sunshine from on high. He is the lover of our soul; the one who loves us beyond compare. That knowledge is too overwhelming for me. It’s intoxicating that God would bend down to earth and take notice of little old me.

Compared to God, I am “Plain Jane”, unworthy of such attention, unequal of such love. He lifts me up from the dungeons of depression and despair.

If God says to you, I think about you, I bless you, I know all about you, I care about you so much, I know everything you do; how does this change your self-image? If he says, to you, I am always watching you and thinking about you, doesn’t that answer our heart’s cry? If you know the God of the universe, the one who created you, Almighty God cares for you, what does that do for you?

To have Almighty God think about me is beyond comprehension, too wonderful for me, too good to be true. But it is good, and it is true.

Click Here to read Shrouds Over Eden by Helen Khan

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I Know What You Are Thinking by Helen Khan

Before a word is on my tongue you, LORD, know it completely. Psalm 139: 4

We all do it; try to read people’s minds. Some people do it better than others, but no one gets it right 100% of the time. And do we really want someone to read our mind?

A battered wife thinks her abusive husband can read her mind, that he knows what she is doing even when he isn’t around. She lives in fear, walking on eggshells. It destroys her mental and emotional equilibrium.

An argument between husband and wife starts over mindreading. Either he thinks he knows what she is thinking or why she said what she said, or vice versa. Miscommunication – it happens lots in close quarters where one prides oneself in reading another person’s mind. Protective walls go up!

Or maybe you think no one thinks about you at all. You are not even on the radar screen of someone’s thoughts, let alone having them read your mind. No one remembers you, thinks about you, cares about you. You are all alone in the world. You think maybe it would be better to not be in it.

But the One who made you thinks about you all the time. He knows you intimately. So intimately he knows what your thoughts are even before you voice them. And because he is God, he knows the heart of man, he gets it right every time. And it’s not even intrusive knowledge. You still have your space. Cool, huh!

God’s hearing is symbolic of his knowledge of us, his understanding and love for us. And because he knows us so intimately, understands us so well, he knows what we need and when we need it. And unlike that spouse who only thinks they know why we said what we said, God knows why because he looks at the heart. He knows the heart of man. He knows when we are in turmoil and when we are happy and all is in order. He knows us better than we know ourselves. He knows what we are going to say, even before it is said.

Click Here to read Shrouds Over Eden by Helen Khan

Where Girls (or Boys) Don’t Matter by Helen Khan

You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Psalm 139:3

When our friend’s child was born, he celebrated. There was great rejoicing in the home, for a son was born. He immediately called friends and relatives to announce the arrival of his son. This was followed by a box of sweets sent to everyone he knew. Everyone rejoiced with him.

About a year later, his wife was pregnant again. But the due date came and went without any notice. There was no fanfare to announce the arrival of their second child. We wondered if something had gone wrong. Upon inquiry, he dejectedly said, “We had a girl.”

Not everyone can relate to this story. But many who come from a society where boys matter more than girls; it is an everyday reality. And many more may relate to being called an accident or an afterthought. Maybe your arrival was unplanned and now, you are painfully reminded of it everyday.

Maybe you think that whatever happens to you isn’t important because you really don’t matter to anyone, not even your parents or spouse. Maybe you are suffering because of abuse, domestic violence, being abandoned by a spouse or parent. Do you feel that you don’t matter to anyone?

Have you ever lost something that was precious to you? Perhaps it was a ring that had significance, like your wedding ring, or something of great value. How did you search for it?

I once misplaced my wedding band. I felt sick. Where could it have gone to. I looked everywhere, under the bed, pulled the sofa apart, retraced my steps. It had to be somewhere. Surely it would be found, surely. That ring was more than just a piece of jewellery. It had meaning, intrinsic value was tied up in that ring. It just had to be found! It mattered that I should find that ring. And eventually it was.

You matter too. Just like that ring, but even more so. Imagine yourself lost, or unwanted. Or maybe it isn’t imagination. Maybe you feel lost, insignificant, maybe you are unwanted. You feel like you don’t matter to anyone. But you do matter, very much.

What if there was someone who searched you out? The word used in today’s verse is searched, but a closer translation is compassed. Compassed means to go around in a circular course, to encircle you, seeking you out. It is a very determined and deliberate seeking that finally encircles you and embraces you. That is how much you matter to the One who created you.

Click Here to read Shrouds Over Eden by Helen Khan

Unnoticed by Helen Khan

You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. Psalm 139: 2

Sometimes as wives we feel like the household drudge. And in some societies or dysfunctional families, that is what the wife is. As long as the food is cooked (To perfection, just the right amount of salt and spices please!), the dishes are done, the laundry washed, hung, dried and put away, the in-laws and children cared for, life goes smoothly without tension or abuse. Maybe you rise early, work all day and fall into bed exhausted. No one notices you until you don’t measure up to unattainable standards. Then everyone notices your failings.

Or maybe you have a quiet nature. If you were to give yourself a name it might be Introvert. You wander through school hallways and classes unnoticed. At home, you don’t seem to get the same attention that your siblings do, or maybe your parents are so busy in their careers or own life that they don’t have time for you. You feel like a nobody.

But, I would like to share with you that you are noticed, very much. There is One who knows when you sit down and when you stand up. He knows your every movement. He knows the number of hairs on your head. No parent or spouse knows that! And even when you are not thinking about God, he is thinking about you. His thoughts are always on you.

If you don’t really think about God, or know him, this might not be significant to you. You might want someone to come to you in flesh, put their arms around you and tell you how important you are, that they love you, intimately. But before you run away from his love, check him out. He has a father’s kind of love, that takes you in his arms even when you don’t know it. He longs to lead you with bonds of kindness and love, he longs to lift burdens from you and bend down to feed you. He wants to teach you to walk with confidence.

Will you give him a chance to heal you and turn your sorrow into joy?

Click Here to read Shrouds Over Eden by Helen Khan

The Value of Being Known by Helen Khan

O LORD, you have searched me, and you know me.” Psalm 139:1

I have been there. There, is the place of feeling valueless and unappreciated. There, is the place of longing for someone I love to understand me, talk to me, love me for who I am. Have you ever been there? Or maybe there, for you, is a deep, dark valley that is impossible to climb. Maybe there is a place of running away from friends to hide your pain and lash yourself as worthless and undeserving.

Maybe how we feel and the opinion we have of ourselves has been shaped by someone in our life who should love us but doesn’t.

For women, it’s important to have those intimate conversations with our husband. We want him to understand us, to meet us emotionally, mentally and spiritually, not just physically. And some husbands fall short of that. Some feel emotionally abandoned, some may even be abused and so having an intimate relationship is non-existent.

Abandoned children will also suffer feelings of worthlessness, loneliness and may even have episodes of depression.

Yet there is One, who has searched us, he knows us. The term he has searched us, doesn’t mean he has searched for us. No, it goes much deeper than that. He has searched us, our inner most being, our hearts, our minds, the depths of our souls. He knows who we are. He doesn’t know about us, he knows us.

The idea of the Almighty taking time to search me tells me that I am valued, I am wanted by God. He has invested personally in me. I am not just a number to God. He longs to have a personal relationship with me.

He is cognitively aware of me personally. He knows my beliefs, feelings, experiences, pains and sorrows. He understands me very well.

This is an encouragement to me, as I hope it is to you. That the Almighty, the God of the universe, cares enough about us that he would search me out and know me, tells me that my worth is more than what man might say about me. I am precious to God and in him I can find my worth.

That is where you can find your true worth.

Click Here to read Shrouds Over Eden by Helen Khan