I loved you. I knew you weren’t good for me. You weren’t what I prayed for, so I prayed and fasted the feelings away, but they were tenacious. So tenacious that I caved, thinking God must have been behind this.
I considered that maybe God wanted to use me to change you. I could save you, but saving you meant losing me.
I almost lost my soul following my heart.
You were a good person, but you weren’t good for me, let alone being God’s best.
I had to build the courage to choose me.
Hugging A Cactus
This relationship was like hugging a cactus. The closer I got, the more I got hurt. The only solution was to let you go, it was a vicious cycle though because there was a time that I let go, but I missed it too much. So I went back to what was familiar.
This was similar to the cycle people in abusive relationships find themselves in. They are reluctant to let go because they are afraid of the unknown, the unfamiliar. Even when they finally get the courage to do so, sometimes they go back to what’s familiar. Why? Because familiarity is comforting.
I am not looking for comfort anymore. I’m looking for growth, and your presence hindered my growth. I’m not looking for familiarity anymore. I’m looking for purpose.
Now, I realize purpose has always been within me, but I was too fixated on saving you to look deep within me. When I left you, I found me, I got to know me, and I love me. Now, Better is calling, Purpose is calling. With you out of the picture, I see more clearly, my horizon is widened, and my vision is translucent.
Could I have done better? Absolutely! Do I regret the experience? Absolutely not!
You were the contrast I needed to recognize the one God had for me all along. You helped me realize what I DON’T want. Now, I can refine and redefine my standards. Now, I can decide to be single by choice and content until God’s best comes along.
AnaelleTry Audible Premium Plus and Get Up to Two Free Audiobooks
All purchases at ChristianWritersBookstore- including Free Trials- goes to keep the website free and help serve the authors.