My Fears Of Living With Schizophrenia by David Lee Chu Sarchet
The purpose of this blog is to share with you what some of my fears of living with schizophrenia and how I deal with them. This is in order that you too may be edified.
I believe that it’s healthy to share our fears with those whom we love. It’s ok to not have everything together. We live in a world that says we should have the picture of perfection and because of that we hate anything that is flawed.
Christianity says that we are lost and sinful and therefore we are desperately in need of the Savior who is also our Lord. We do not need to be perfect in this life and so it’s alright for us to admit our fears and failures too.Tweet
After reading this blog, please let me know what some of your fears of living with Schizophrenia are.
My hope and prayer for this blog is that after reading this you will be encouraged in your faith in Christ, regardless if you have mental illness or not. If you don’t have mental illness, then maybe you will walk away understanding those of us better.
Fear #1: Not Being Able To Live Up To My Responsibilities As A Biblical Man For My Wife And Children
I freely admit that this is my worst fear because I understand just how important biblical manhood is. I have a strong desire to be a provider, protector, and leader for my wife and future children. However, I understand that my schizophrenia often makes me slack on my responsibilities.
Too often I am timid and weak. I don’t always fulfill my biblical obligations towards my wife.
Fear #2: Embarrassing My Wife In Public
This is my second most common fear.
I know that there will come a time when I will inevitably have a Psychotic Episode in public that will draw stares of strangers who will then look at my wife. I wonder to myself, “How will she respond when this happens?”
Fear #3: Passing My Schizoaffective Disorder Onto Our Children
This fear causes me to vacillate between wanting children and not wanting children.
On the one hand, I want to fulfill my obligation to be “fruitful and multiply”. On the other hand, I know that the statistics say that when one parent has schizophrenia, the chances that a child will have the same disorder is increased by 10%. Schizophrenia runs on both my side and my wife’s side so the chances are even higher!
Fear #4: My Friends And Family Abandoning Me
This fear keeps me up at night.
I know that many people with mental illness have been abandoned by their support system and are left all alone. The reason for this might be because the mentally ill person may have become too unbearable for his friends and family. But I am afraid that that will be me one day because I know that I have already put them through so much.
Fear #5: Having More Psychotic Episodes As My Mental Illness Progresses
This fear really frightens me.
I hate having experiences of psychosis and I know that my illness is steadily getting worse over time. My medication may slow the progression, however, I know that there will come a day when medication will no longer work because my mind will be totally gone. I am afraid that when this happens, I may do something I may not normally do such as deny God or blaspheme the Lord. I already have blasphemous thoughts and hear blasphemous voices.
What Encourages Me:
“And we know that all things work together for the good of those that love God, who are called according to His purpose” -Romans 8:28
This is the most comforting promise of God for those who trust the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
According to the God’s sovereign decree, the Lord is literally working all things for our good. I may not fully grasp or comprehend this, but I accept this truth by faith. I know that no matter what happens in this life, God is working for my good. I can rest in that fact because I know that God cannot lie.
“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels or rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord” -Romans 8:37-39
This is another marvelous truth that nothing in all of creation will ever separate me from God’s love that is found only in Christ. This means that not even my mental illness can stop God from loving me! Even if everyone in the world were to forsake me, I am still alright because God is for me simply because I belong to Jesus.
For this reason, I love Him all the more and all I want to do is praise His name for The Lord is worthy!
Soli Deo Gloria!
-David Lee Chu Sarchet
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