If you had someone come up to you and ask how you are doing, two scenarios will likely happen.
- One: You probably would go on a 5-minute soliloquy about how you just got a promotion, how your kids are excelling in school, and how you love your significant other.
- Two: You just simply tell the person “I’m fine”. I fall on the latter, and I’m pretty sure some of you who are reading this do too. Now I could go on about the reasons why we just tell people we’re fine, but there’s too many reasons for me to go through, and I ain’t got time to do that. I’m going to tell you why I do that.
Part of it is because I’m not fond of talking to people. Another part is because of trust issues that I’ve been working on. Final part of it is that life made me that way. As a kid, I did well for myself. Decent grades, decent lifestyle, I can’t complain. Then when I turned 8, life happened. I found out why my dad wasn’t around, I found out how bad my autism is, people started looking at me funny and picking on me. Because of those things, I pushed people away, I guarded myself from anybody and everybody. I chose to be alone.
So fast forward tooooooo………. Now.
I find myself in the same position Job was when he lost everything. Now I’m not questioning God as Job did, but I am questioning why and how am I in the position that I’m in, like Job did. Now before you go and grab your pitch forks, please understand where I’m coming from. For months, I’ve been in a deep depression. It’s a combination of things: fear of getting older, fear of death, fear of not living to my potential, and anxiety of everything that is going on in the world. I constantly feel like I wasted my 20’s and I let it breeze by. Feeling like the prime of my life has passed. But despite my fears, anxieties, depression, and Job-like questioning, I still find myself trusting God and his process.
Now mind you, I still am not fond of talking to people. Matter of fact, when asked to blog on here, I initially was going to ignore it. Partly because I have my own blog to worry about. But mainly because, I couldn’t trust myself to open up to a lot of people. But even that, my love, trust & respect for God outweighs my own anxieties. So I’m on here to encourage you with this.
I don’t know you, never met you, don’t know your life story. But I have a feeling that some of you are in the same position that I am. You might be worried about what’s going on, you might be scared because of contacting the Coronavirus (yes, I said it), you might be worried about the next phase in your life. If you are one of those people, I say this. It’s okay to say, “I am not fine.” It’s okay to tell people that. Heck, it’s okay to tell God that. Matter of fact, he wants to hear from you. But what matters is you trusting God with everything in your life, giving your fears and anxieties to him, believing that he knows what he is doing. I mean, he does know what he’s doing.