A Letter To My Mania by David Lee Chu Sarchet
This is a letter written out of love and hate. It is written out of love because I do enjoy the highs that you take me on. It is written out of hate because I do not enjoy when I finally crash into a state of depression and shame. I enjoy the moments when I feel like I’m soaring through the sky blissfully and I wish that it would last forever. However, reality always seems to settle in and I realize that I do not have any wings. That is when I end up crashing and burning.
During the moments when I am soaring, I feel super creative like I can write a symphony. It is during those moments when I experience my greatest works. I love you for those moments. However, I hate how you can cause me to overspend my money or mistreat those who I’m closest too. I hate how you can cause me to be incredibly selfish and egotistical too.
Why do you do this to me? Why do you insist on driving a wedge between myself and my loved ones? It hurts me deeply when people I care about turn their backs on me because I am too much for them to bear. It is during those moments that I feel like I am unlovable.
I know that according to Romans 8:28, God uses all things for the good of His people, but I do not yet understand how the Lord is using you for my good or the good of His Church. I take it on faith that He is but it does not make any sense to me. How can my manic phases possibly work out for good? However, I know that the Lord is sovereign over all things, including my mania. It is precisely because of this that I trust in His might. I do not trust in myself because I am too weak and frail. I trust in the Lord and in His Strength because He is mighty to save.